'It’s a Miserable Life' still on ice-

At a recent press conference announcing the upcoming release of 'Onion Fingerboard, a Wizda Tabletry Guide' [by Ace Wizda, 2005 Harmonhouse], Harmonpress Unlimited public relations spokesman Monk Moyer was barraged with questions. Among the most tasteless was in reference to holiday un-classic 'It’s a Miserable Life' by author, and avid hummingbird photographer, Mike Emil. Widely shunned, it is a cynical, vulgar, and introspective weaving a parody of the family classic 'It’s a Wonderful Life' and the author’s sickening slant on fate, suicide, and slander of Jimmy Stewart. It is widely rumored Mike Emil DOA'd the book himself by producing the unpublishable manuscript to satisfy a contractual obligation at Harmonhouse's expense. Moyer had to wait several moments for the press corps to regain their composure after revulsion to the subject before through gritted teeth simply stating “No, 'It’s a Miserable Life' will once again remain shelved for the foreseeable future out of respect for Mr. Emil and our responsibility to public morality. We do not see any release in any form, even vegetable theatrics…, now let's never speak of it again! Next question” Not satisfied, the Hazleton Pravda correspondent who posed the controversial question burst toward the podium only to be beaten down rather viciously by his peers, was restrained, and escorted from the conference. Mr. Moyer was not physically harmed in the altercation, though it will be some time until HP is invited back to a Harmonpress function.

- posted by raymond @ 12/22/2004 05:32:00 PM 0 comments

 
Reclusive millionaire tops Schwarzenegger donors

Millionaire William Armsted Robinson who has long been purported to be a member of Mike Emil's inner circle of friends and confidants is backing Ah-nold! However, being nearly as reclusive as author and mine shaft spelunker Mike Emil these rumors are very hard to to substantiate. It is interesting to note that DHL courier service does appear to handle a generous portion of Mike Emil's affairs in and outside the continental United States. And DHL is mentioned very prominently in Mike Emil's 'Turn me into a vegetable.'

Excerpt: "I was a vegetable once, lonely and full of that brown stuff that gets on lettuce when it's been on the fridge door too long." He turned to DHL for support and was surprised at the lack of internal bureaucracy and the nice little luncheons they held and had those cheese mousses that he used to find out in Portland on First Thursday. But the wine was crap. Lucky he'd brought his flask along. "Oh, flask! --I love those cheese mousses but they don't warm my liver the way your vodka does!" From then on it was DHL and vodka all the way, baby! I'm still a vegetable, ya know?

William Armsted Robinson's office could not be contacted immediately for comment. And Mike Emil has since changed his phone number for the elevanth consecutive time this year.
- posted by Anonymous @ 12/05/2004 11:18:00 AM 0 comments

 
Mike Emil takes stab at medical bureaucracy
Dateline: Azwan
Angry author and long time John Denver critic, Mike Emil has apparently snuck another publication out the door. 'A Milking for Baby' (2004 Harmonhouse) is a sorted unauthorized look into the corrupt and bloated world of Medical Transcription and white slavery. Mr. Emil is not noted to do investigative type reporting, unless he has a personal beef with the subject matter. It begs then to wonder why all of Mike's works aren't so awakening, but all Mike Emil Fanatics know it's all about vindication. Press Amalgimated haphazardly caught up with Mr. Emil in a chance encounter along the Nile delta. After a long chase we got the following quote- "...alright already you b-[delete explitive]. [panting and read faced] I think I'm gonna pass out! Where's my drink? Oh there you are you little brain lube you. Daddy's gonna drink you all up and make the bad people disappear... [takes deep chug of comicly colored liquid] AAAH! Anyway, what the f-[delete explitive] do you a-[delete explitive] want?!!" ... "Oh, well why the f-[delete explitive] didn't you say so a-[delete explitive]? NO COMMENT! Now piss off!". As if to emphisize his point, Mr. Emil proceeded to urinate in a broad and flamboyant manner into the longest river in Africa.

- posted by raymond @ 12/04/2004 11:33:00 PM 0 comments