Mike Emil Receives Coveted Institute Award

On Friday, September 10, renowned author and speaker, Mike Emil received the coveted Uber Asimov award at the Bone Institute for Larger Learning. The author of ‘Killing Antz the Fun Way’ was presented the award in a private ceremony. The reclusive author noted that even if he had wanted local newspapers such as the Standard Speaker to report on this momentous award, that they and other local news correspondents have “snubbed me so many times in the past, that I don’t care anymore. When I was nobody, way before ‘Killing Antz…' they wouldn’t touch me. I even applied for a reporting job at the Speaker. Too bad for them, now. I’m on the bestseller list!” Reportedly, Emil mentioned he was at least pleased not to have been approached by Panorama magazine over the years, citing the owner to be a fat little idiot with sausages for fingers.
This was the first semi-public function the author has attended in the last few years even with the recent release of his new book, Love, Sex and Empty Pockets, 2004.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “Where there’s people, there’s fire.” –From the Misquotations of Mike Emil, 2003, Kapes House Publishing.

Chesterfield Supper Club Announces Roast

The exclusive gentlemen’s club of NEPA has announced this year’s roastie, reputed author Mike Emil. It is unclear whether the reclusive author will attended or not, but a spokesman for the supper club confirmed that “there will be a roast come hell or high water, and if we have to we'll drag Mike here kicking and screaming. After a few drinks he won’t care anyway!” The roast is expected to be a private function to cater to the author’s eccentric aversion to public situations and social gatherings.
The Chesterfield Supper Club is a privately owned and operated institution and membership is not only elite, but considered more honorable then the masons and other long-standing ‘secret’ organizations. In 2000, now President George W. Bush was denied membership do to the risky nature of his attaining the office of President of the United States. Since then the club has experienced mild troubles with the IRS and has been audited every year since. The spokesman for the club declined to comment.

Mike Emil Gives Cagey Interview (Excerpt)

"Well, I really don’t like to talk with people, ya see?"

Why is that, Mr. Emil?

"Call me Snake, I mean Mike. Ha! Ha-ha! (has a long laughing fit). I really don’t like people, see? That’s why I don’t want to talk to them, just about them. And women, whoa! Don’t get me started—"

We won’t.

"Good. Now turn that fucking thing off! I need a drink. This interview is over. You need a drink too. This interview’s over till I sober up. Don’t quote me on that, ya bastard, unless yer having that drink with me. Damn. I feel good."

We hope to have a more complete interview in the future with author Mike Emil
--Gombeggar


EXTRA QUOTE: “Woodjah Bah-neh Bah-hob-neh” –From the Drunken Quotations of Mike Emil, unfinished publication.

- posted by Anonymous @ 9/15/2004 07:05:00 PM