Mike Emil Denounces Experimental Theater

This has been an extraordinary month for reclusive author and skydiving instructor, Mike Emil. Having made another unprecedented announcement through his press agent who wished to remain anonymous fearing the loss of the rest of his clientele for being associated with the misanthropic Emil, Mike Emil had this to say about Kapes Productions’ Kohlrabi Theater Project:

“It’s a complete waste of time and utter nonsense. Vegetables performing the high art of theater is ridiculous, especially the use of a soup vegetable like kohlrabi.
Now were they to use tomatoes, and I want it pointed out that if they do, that’s MY idea! Using tomatoes and smashing them after every act preferably on asphalt, then that would be acceptable theater. Tomatoes are fruit anyway. That’s why Attack of the Killer Tomatoes is a classic film. Maybe I’ll do a class on that at University by correspondence, yeah!”

“And there is my 11 act play Oedipus Lunch. That was produced off, off Broadway,” said the author before scowling heavily and shouting, “Alright! I did the damn thing in the shower, once. But there was a lot of tomatoes in that cast and one onion that got stuck in the drain. Just one!”

Kapes Productions could not immediately be reached for comment.

David celebrates 500th birthday

"This is a load," Mike Emil mentioned on the way to the bathroom, "and the statue too. I got a bigger schlong in my trousers. What the hell do you people keep coming into my house for anyway?"
- posted by Anonymous @ 9/23/2004 07:52:00 AM